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Relation: Is a Secret
I Like: smokin smokin smokin only
I Hate: my past
Favorite Music: nooooo yeaaa
Favorite Celebrities: myself
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It might seem a little contradictory -- just a short time ago, I wrote about how wonderful it was to live with my boyfriend. It was. Living together was not the problem. He was.

Rather, it was that I picked him knowing that he was completely wrong for me. That we were diametrically incompatible, and that I wasn't attracted to him. I chose him, though, because he lobbied me into the relationship, doing everything to convince me that he and I were right for each other. I suppose I said 'yes' because he asked, and that is admittedly a very bad reason for entering into a committed relationship. But, it was something that I wanted to experience -- this committedness -- and I thought, Who better than a friend who seems to care about me and my well-being. I thought I would eventually grow to love him holistically.

But from the outset, he did things that made me feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. Rather than allow our love to consume us and have us be infatuated with the idea of being infatuated and in a relationship, which I had truly invested myself in, he held me at arms length -- he needed to wait until I had a job, until he saw that I could sacrifice for our relationship, until I was making contribution, until he apparently felt as though he was being supported by me emotionally, for him to really love me, to feel like I'm "the one."

So, almost from the get-go, it was a game of cat and mouse. "Honey, please show me you love me so that I can feel like I should stay here and settle down," from me was met with, "Well, honey, why don't you lay down roots here and get a job so that I can show you that I love you." And, so it went.

The worst was his constant undermining of my emotional well-being. "Honey, you're not well and I understand that. I'll pull your wagon for you." But, when I really needed his support, he said that I "was like a Lamborghini in his garage, really pretty to look at, but with no engine inside of it," essentially saying that our relationship was a bait and switch, and that he felt dece